How many times have you said yes to commitments, people, and tasks… that you really didn’t want to?

How often have you doled out your yes like confetti? 

I picture memes of Oprah during a great give-away: “YOU get a yes! And YOU get a yes!”

It’s laughable in a way, right? But it’s that knowing laughter. That… “Oh dear god, she gets it” kind of laughter. 

As women, we have a strong desire to please, help, and comfort others. We are conditioned to cater to our external world. 

For many of us, our biggest fear around self-expression and setting boundaries… of truly and unabashedly honoring ourselves… is that we will get rejected in the end. 

And because of this, we find it difficult to say no to requests that don’t necessarily align with our priorities or values. 

Many of us are SO busy, we don’t even have time to analyze whether or not something is even aligned before we’re already in the midst of doing it.

It’s like a circus performer running on top of a large ball. Dancing with agility as the ball moves beneath them. Some performers may even be holding poles with spinning plates on top. 

“Wow- Look at them go!” 

If even one motion is out of synch, the WHOLE thing collapses.

That, my friends… is women everywhere. 

We take it all on. 

We spread ourselves thin. 

We burn out. 

We neglect our own needs and consistently prioritize others.

We downplay the importance of self-care, personal growth, or leisure activities… thinking of each one as something to be “earned” at a later date.

And then, when that date finally comes, we can hardly settle our nervous systems enough to even enjoy it.

Beyond the common fear of rejection, we also worry that others will perceive us as being selfish. 

Okay, personal truth share here…

It was in the height of COVID, and I had stayed home from my job for over a year to be with our kiddos and help with all things life and family. 

I was feeling ALL of the feelings (understatement)… and had booked a solo weekend away to the Getaway House. 

Just me. 

No kids. 

No partner. 

No news broadcasts.

Months later I was sharing about this experience with extended family members. The next day, I was directly told that I had been selfish: “You should’ve been home with your family.” 

It was an emotional gut-punch that I will never forget.

*Slight detour while we’re here… 

Every mother’s self-criticism runs DEEP. I can’t count how many evenings my head hits the pillow with the thought “Well shit, definitely could have done THAT better.”

We don’t need another mother throwing shade at us… ever. Even in our darkest moments. 

If anything, we need to hear: “Mothering is extremely hard. I see you. You are doing SUCH a good job. I support you.” Over and over and over again.

As women, we expend SO MUCH energy. Internally and externally. It is CONSTANT.

So many of us were not taught to love ourselves. 

That the most important relationship of all- is the one we have with ourselves. Because it is from THERE that everything ripples from. 

When we truly love ourselves, we feel empowered to set healthy and authentic boundaries. 

Ones that aren’t porous, letting everything in… and ones that aren’t made of stone either, trapping us within our own walls. 

Our boundaries shift and move, much like living organisms themselves. 

We become protective of our energy. 

We recognize that the word “NO” may in fact be the most magnetic word we ever use (borrowed from Lacy Phillips). 

We see that our “NO” frees up our most authentic “YES”.

Self-love gives us our time back.

We recognize our own needs. We don’t victimize ourselves. We don’t use resentment as a tool. 

We know and celebrate our own values. 

We use our intuition and discernment to make higher level decisions with ease. 

We have better focus.

We reflect… rather than react. 

We understand what brings us joy, purpose, and fulfillment. 

We feel centered, rooted, and anchored. 

We play.

We rest. 

We take our time back and savor it in ways that matter most to us. 

All through self-love.

[a yummy listen about time-  Who knows where the time goes

…my favorite line: “you’ll use up everything you got, trying to give everybody what they want”]

xo