I have spent most of my life gauging my worth, my acceptance, and my value on external sources. 

Getting caught up in the trappings of the energetic hamster wheel within my very own mind:

“Am I doing this right? Am I okay?” Am I enough?”

In truthful reflection, I believe most of my insecurities were centered on these very questions. 

As women, the level at which we trust ourselves becomes an inherent trait starting from our early years in childhood.

In studies of society’s influence on girls versus boys… “children come to insert the word don’t before critical words: For boys, it becomes I don’t care; for girls, it is I don’t know”. [Elise Loehnen | On Our Best Behavior]

Our lack of self-trust shows up everywhere. 

We hesitate to pursue new opportunities or take risks. We miss chances for personal growth, career advancement, or fulfilling relationships.

We settle for less. We undermine our own abilities.  

We struggle with self-confidence. We doubt our skills and second-guess our decisions. 

We struggle to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. We bend and contort ourselves to people-please others, putting our own needs last.

We find it challenging to say no. We tolerate mistreatment. We allow others to take advantage. 

We play small, because we were not taught to trust ourselves enough to play big. 

And while the idea of “self trust” may sound simple… it isn’t easy.

We can feel not only like a salmon swimming up-stream… but that there are grizzly bears swiping fully extended paws at us every time we leap above the water. 

I know from personal experience that the reconnection to self-trust is deeply transformative. That it can become the very beacon which lights our path to an authentic and purposeful life.

In early October of last year, I joined twelve women on a spiritual pilgrimage within northern Spain. Thirteen women, all walking each other West along the Camino de Santiago.

To help integrate, we wrote letters on our last day. Mini messages to one another, and a personal one to ourself.  

This week, I received the entire collection in the mail. It was like an invisible thread of magic rewinding me six months, anchoring me in the present moment, while also illuminating my path forward.

I feel called to share my personal letter with you now. May you hear what is ready to be heard, see what is ready to be seen, and feel what is ready to be felt.

OCT 15, 2013

The messages and lessons that came on this journey were not new- in fact they have been orbiting – spiraling – and calling for sometime now. Trust.

To the point that it almost became laughable through a google search of ‘somatic meaning of the left pinky toe’ to broadcast it once again for you. Trust.

“Look for the feathers” the divine said as you ventured alone on day one. Only to find the sweetest feather of them all when you stopped to stretch at a cafe three miles later. Only to find bodies made of concrete and stone atop a cathedral in Santiago de Compostela- all with feathers in hand.

From the sweet eyes of the cows. To the smell of eucalyptus groves in the rain. From the stories of other women, to the laughter that knocks you to your knees. Trust and Listen. Trust and Look. Trust.

Through the walking comes a stillness and a quiet- an announcement through the silence that says: “Those are old stories. Old narratives. Like threads that have pulled for so long- they have now finally become untangled and are ready to truly be released. Not out of judgment. Or anger. Or resentment. Or sadness. Or disappointment. But out of love. Pure, true, unconditional- Love.”

Returning and reconnecting to what you’ve always known. You are held. You are the embodiment of love and light. And you are held. Then. Now. Always.

Continue to breathe. Continue to walk. Continue to love. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

xo– Meghan

Perhaps today, you reflect:

“Who would I be, and how would I show up in the world, if I trusted myself fully?”

In the meantime… look for the feathers.