I have been successfully wintering over the past few months. Turning inward and tending. Enjoying moments of quiet. In the last few days I have felt a stirring. I can sense that the energy within me is now ready to move again. I am beginning to move my body more intentionally again, and I am ready to follow the call of creative flow and processing through my writing.

I have set the intention of ’30 days of Flow Writing’. Borrowing somewhat from Natalie Goldberg, while also making up my own “rules”. I have created 30 writing prompts for myself- one for each day. In my practice I set a timer for 40 minutes… and just write. No editing, no concern of grammar or what makes “sense”… just moving and following the energy itself. Once the 40 minutes have passed, I set another timer for 10 minutes where I allow myself edits. Nothing more- nothing less.

What comes through, comes through. I don’t need to cast deeper meaning. I don’t need to be sure it’s “right” or “correct”, it’s more about moving with the integration of my experiences, thoughts, feelings, and wisdom- as they are.

So let’s begin…

Discover the power within you: A journey to self-empowerment

My own journey of self empowerment is not a linear line by any means.

I can’t really harken back to a specific time and place where I knowingly ventured on this path- lantern in hand, bag packed with all of the essentials.

It was much more nuanced than that.

And yet, when I do look back, I see a lot of resilience. I see the glimmer of self-love being chosen over and over again.

I remember a specific session with my therapist where she seemed awestruck by my resilience.  In talking about my childhood rejection from friends.  Growing up in a small town and how many of the social groups and status were created and maintained based on pure survival.  How I would return over and over again to my tormentors.  And how, even though they did their very best, my parents weren’t fully attuned to what was going on for me both externally and internally.

The dark and insidious seed of rejection likes to bury itself deep within. It hides in the folds of the mind and creates its own fortress there.  Even when left untouched and unseen, it still resides with a certain hum of power.  

My first full feelings with this were in third grade.  And as painful as many of those moments were- they were just the beginning.

And yet…

I rose.  

Over and over again, I rose.

I can’t name a specific person who told me I embodied love and light- that I was worth receiving love and light- that I had a gift of sharing love and light… but I do remember FEELING it.

There was always a constant battle within myself.  One in which the injured parts longed to protect me from further injury through stoicism, masking, and performance.  And one in which another voice would tell me I was inherently worthy.

Oftentimes in life we repeat our patterns.  

We go through the same experience, in different ways, more than once. It is the mind and body’s way of reprogramming.  Of reshaping a memory.  Of attempting a “do-over”.

In clinical ways, my self-empowerment began when I finally found a therapist that spoke the same love language as me: Attunement and Soul to Soul Witnessing.  

I was always a highly inquisitive child- something that I know exhausted my parents.

Looking back, I don’t think it was necessarily the questions themselves that bothered them, I think it was that the answers didn’t come easy.  Parenting is exhausting enough without constantly addressing the existential questions from your precocious child.

My self-empowerment truly grew when I started taking certification courses from the Embodiment Lab.  I was learning about all things neuroplasticity, polyvagal theory, and internal family systems… and suddenly, something just *clicked*.

“You mean… I am not stuck here? I am not broken?”

Mindfulness and meditation opened up my mind and body to a returning.  A returning back to center. Back to ease. Back to calm.

But the embodiment practices I learned freed me on an entirely new level.

For most of my life I was seeking empowerment through masking and hiding the “parts” of me that I didn’t like.  The parts of me that had received negative feedback. The shadow sides of shame, guilt, and embarrassment.

But like the swan on water- the external world only sees the floating with ease, while underneath the surface there is an endless effort just to stay afloat. 

Hiding and shaming parts of ourselves uses a tremendous amount of energy.  Energy that doesn’t burn clean.

Every time I shame spiraled, it was as if I had fed that same insidious seed of rejection water and light- allowing it to grow even more roots.

Just as we can’t selectively numb, we can’t selectively heal.  Every part needs to be invited. Everything is welcome. Everything belongs.

The parts of us that ‘hold us back’ or carry in them the ‘limiting beliefs’ are only trying to protect us.  And I found with practice, the more I welcomed them in, invited them to tea.  Sat with them.  Listened.  They had wisdom to share with me. 

It took many painful returns.  Many practices of inviting the parts of me that had hidden in the shadows to come out and feel safe to be seen and heard.

Empowerment is a beautiful word.  

And it’s also important to remember that we are not empowered by others… nor do we empower others. Our empowerment comes from within.

It is a returning.

A rejoicing and a reclaiming.

Webster defines reclaiming as “bringing back to a former state or condition of someone or something abandoned or debased”.

Rejoicing- a “call to joy”. 

Even deeper still, rejoice also stems from the Old French word resjoir.  Re– “expressing intensive force”.  Joir– “experience joy”. In Greek, it is related to God’s grace.

Our empowerment is not a destination, it is a constant journey.  One filled with gratitude and grace.  Sorrow and celebration.  It houses both the light and the dark.

Our empowerment is a reclamation of our rejoicing of SELF.  A returning again and again, lanterns in hand, to our own healing.